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Fabler

Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 12:03 am

Joined: 17 Oct 2005 Posts: 468 Location: the Netherlands

I realise that this might be a bit of a taboo when it comes to these kind of forums. But considering I write down everything else on this board as well, I can't find a reason not to post this as well.

Today's the day I've finally come to terms with the fact that I'm gay. I've been telling my best friends AND myself that I was bisexual all this time, but I've realised that that's nothing more than a fairytale (no pun intended here:P)

I don't know why I've been lying to myself, while deep down I knew I was gay all along. Not to write down a total cliché but I never really felt like I fitted in with 'all' the others anyway. I didn't like the same music, didn't like sports and for God's sake I even found myself watching Desperate Housewives every once in awhile.

Maybe it's because on the outside I appear to be your average straight guy, I always tried so hard to put that out there..and tried to push the gay part out of my body.

A couple of years have passed since I've 'learned' this fact about myself. And ever then I tried to tell myself I was still kind of into girls. I even 'came out' to my friends, telling them I was bi. While it turns out in the end, I'm really not.

In fact, I'm in some sort of a relationship with who-used-to-be-my-best-friend, but is now so much more than that. Atleast to me. He's totally 'new' to the whole thing, and isn't really sure WHAT it is he feels. Which makes me feel alone in the 'relationship' at times, which can be incredibly frustrating. I'm affraid to tell him how I really feel, thinking he'll write me off for it being a little too much for him.

I remember I used to be so scared that people would find out. I'm 17 right now and find myself telling my best friends and even being with my best friend who I have been in love with for years. I stopped caring about what other people thought of me at some point. Who cares, as long as the people who I loved, were still there for me.

I'm not quite sure why I'm telling you this, or why my use of the English language is so incredibly bad:P..but I guess it feels kind of liberating..having you all know this about me.

So, thanks for listening (see: reading) and I was just curious if there were any others out there who've been going through the same thing.

Last edited by Fabler on Tue Apr 10, 2007 1:47 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Lexixo13

Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 12:45 am

Joined: 08 Dec 2006 Posts: 4219 Location: there

I think that was great
It is a good thing you can let othersw know. I can't really tell you what to say to your best friend but i can say if you think it will ruien the relatioship then maybe you should wait but if you think he wont care about it then i think you maybe might want to go for it.

I'm sorry i can't say i am going through the same thing. But im sure there are many people that have the same problem. All around there are people who are unsure.

Hope things will work out =]

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Princess_Zelda

Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 2:27 am

Joined: 20 Jan 2007 Posts: 961 Location: On a highway, surrounded by speeding cars (AKA Texas)

I can't say I am goignthorough the same thing either, but I wish you the best of luck with your future!

Princess_Zelda salutes you!

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Mags

Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 3:12 am

Joined: 07 Feb 2007 Posts: 173 Location: Toronto

First, congrats on being honest and open with yourself, first and foremost! It takes courage.

Second of all... here's your first little queer politics lesson..."sexual preference" is generally a term that is disliked by many of our community, coz it implies that we choose our attraction rather than it just being the way we feel. "Sexual Orientation" is the more accepted phrase Wink

Good luck to you! It's a difficult path at times, but your life will be far more rewarding and fulfilling for accepting and loving yourself for who you really are.

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--- Dip me in honey and throw me to the tall chick with the hair and the frocks ---

bobakey

Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 11:39 am

Joined: 15 Dec 2005 Posts: 1263 Location: London, UK

Fabler wrote:

Hmm. This is me debating about how I should start my reply... I'm 18 now [soon to be 19], and have been out openly gay for the past 4 or 5 years I do believe, so perhaps, first of all, I know where you are coming from.

There are many steps in which a person must take in order to be at one with their sexuality [whatever that may be]. The first step, and I would like to point out, that HARDEST step is admitting to yourself that you are [in this case] gay. To have to go through a whole mentality of underestimating everything that you have thought, been told and have felt, is a shock, and is quite frankly scary too. Yet I can't even begin to express how delighted I am that you have managed to get through this stage, so congratulations.

It's not easy to admit to yourself that you are who you are [and in general terms, whoever that may be]... to once you are established as realising that you are this person, to tell someone else is a huge step again. It's a step which is repeated over and over and over again, and will never stop. The telling to someone that you are gay is just down right annoying at times, sometimes the shock, sometimes the sheer excitement "yay for gay" etc etc. Yet... I promise you that the older you get, as you mature through the years, the easier it becomes, at least in the past 4 or 5 years of being out myself, I've seen myself progress through the stages to where now, I am completely fine with who I am, and will openly disclose the information, and not be affected by the reaction.

Anyways, I'm going off topic now, hehe...

I think in terms of your best friend who you happen to be somewhere in a relationship with, if he is completely new, or experiementing or what have you, - despite your what seems obvious desires and love for him, you have to take it slow. Think back to when you were debating or calling yourself bi, when really, you knew deep down that you were gay..? It's such a difficult thing to have to go through, and something that anyone who isn't gay/bi/lesbian/trans etcetcetc will never quite understand that...

So perhaps what you need to do is just support him through this transition, if this is the way that he wants to take it. Think how I'm sure you wanted support from your friends when you became who you are, well, he I'm sure, has you to try and learn from and to understand who he is.

It's going to be so hard, yes, so very hard for you to just let the relationship run along in the way that you feel you are lost or lonely, but perhaps if you are there for him, he will completely appreciate what you are doing for him...?

Never feel alone, there is always someone out there to talk to, or with.

Oh and I think its great that you raised such a topic on the forums, and its always nice to hear what other people have to think, and yes, its very much like a release of everything from the body to just get it all out and onto a computer screen Smile

Well done, I, for one, am really proud of you.

If ever you wish to talk, hit me back on the pm-ing-ness and I will be glad to talk.

Keep smiling, and keep going.
xXx

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AASPBY

Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 12:12 am

Guest

Since our school is trying to stop discrimination against people of other orientations, and people are fighting it, I definitely wrote a song about a kid that is afraid to come out.

I figured I'd add this in...

Right now I'm what my friends call asexual, because I hate everyone! Laughing

Not in the literal sense, but I feel no special like for anyone right now. I just don't care at this point. I see so many heartbreaks, gay and straight, so I just run away from relationships of any kind.

Last edited by AASPBY on Tue Apr 10, 2007 12:18 am; edited 2 times in total

MY WHITE RABBIT

Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 12:16 am

Joined: 10 Aug 2006 Posts: 2585 Location: Here..There And Everywhere

Mags wrote:

Good luck to you! It's a difficult path at times, but your life will be far more rewarding and fulfilling for accepting and loving yourself for who you really are.

I just wanted to agree with you there Mags ! Smile

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aldaboss

Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 1:33 am

Guest

I have also been through this.

Im 19 but going on 20 in just a few weeks. I can out when I hit 18 to my parents but a few of my friends already knew that I was gay.

I also came from a very small village that was very community driven. It was obvious that I didnt fit in. I liked the arts,music and movies. I was amazing at sports but stayed away from them as much as I could so I could get into the arts more.

Growing up was tough. Sexual identity was a nightmare of realisation. I tried not being gay in my naive days. Anything I could because I feared for my life above all other things.From since I can remember guys in my village would make fun of anything gay. Even my english teacher
(who i had a major crush on) hated anything gay. So it scared me more and more.

But then it came to the point where I just enjoyed men so much that I just accepted it myself. Then as time went on I became slightly more open.

But things got slightly more tricky for me. See I love men.....but I have a different preference. I dont see younger guys the same as other gay men. By younger I am talking my age. See ever since I had a feeling I liked men I have had an attraction to older guys.

Liking older guys made it even harder for me. Coming out is one thing but saying I liked older guys is another. I valued maturity,weathered looks and wisedom so much. But yet again it came to the point where it was such a part of me that I had no other choice but to accept it and enjoy it.

Since then I have never looked back. I told close friends and then came out to family. I now live with the most amazing,handsome,sometimes frustating(lol) but lovable man.

That said its not all perfect. There are issues someone like me faces when liking older men but I cant help those....because I am what I am.And I love me.....(most of the time.lol) oh and the villagers know I am gay now....and also know I like older men....so they really do hate me.Luckily ive moved to australia though so rural ireland can go f itself.

Here is me and my alister(its an old one so my hair is shit)

AASPBY

Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 1:37 am

Guest

It upsets me that people are hated for something as small as that.

My favorites are the ones that go, "I am a true Christian and I hate homosexuals." Hmm...Those two pretty much cancel each other out.

One day, it will all be accepted and there will be no more hate. Or at least I would hope. Hate is such an awful thing that fills so many people. It's sad.

aldaboss

Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 1:53 am

Guest

Its getting there. Being gay in melbourne is nothing but normal. I mean my mates where in a normal bar frenching away and no one cared.

Sadly....if me and my bf did that people would care.

Mags

Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 2:34 am

Joined: 07 Feb 2007 Posts: 173 Location: Toronto

See, I've been pretty lucky my entire life... my sexuality has never really been an issue. Pretty much everyone in my life has been accepting and supportive. I'm 26 now, but came out when I was 16. Very quickly my sexuality became a non-issue... it's part of me but not primarily how I identify myself. I'm a lesbian, sure, but I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many other awesome things as well Wink

I know that it's a luxury to be able to live and think as freely as I do though. I'm EXTREMELY lucky.

Anyways, I think my point is... I dunno, I just wanted to share in case anyone needs to see that this can be a positive experience, heh Smile

If anyone reading needs or wants to ask questions or needs some advice/support, feel free to pm me! I'm well adjusted and generally friendly Wink

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--- Dip me in honey and throw me to the tall chick with the hair and the frocks ---

Princess_Zelda

Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 2:34 am

Joined: 20 Jan 2007 Posts: 961 Location: On a highway, surrounded by speeding cars (AKA Texas)

AASPBY wrote:

I hate to say it, but my own father is the complete discription of that. *sigh* He plays his guitar in the choir, is always humming a hymn...Yet he always cusses at the TV whenever something about homosexuals comes on on the news...I try to explain to him that those peticular people are some of the nicest people on the planet, an he questions me. My father is quite odd though.

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Fabler

Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 11:00 am

Joined: 17 Oct 2005 Posts: 468 Location: the Netherlands

Mags wrote:

I'm a lesbian, sure, but I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many other awesome things as well Wink

First off, I just have to say I love that sentence. I really admire people who think like that. Especially 'cause I've suffered from an incredibly low self-esteem for ages. By now, I'm kind of in the middle of both but I'm working on it.

Seeing your reactions on this topic feels amazing. I'm so glad about this. I'm not sure why because of course I realise there are many, many others who share the same thing with me. It just helps sometimes to get confirmation.

About Princess_Zelda's post, I have the same kind of father. I think there comes a point in every person's life where the parents tell you that IF you somewhere down the line realise you're gay, they'll be ok with it and support you. I had the same talk with my parents. They just came a little early with it, so I completely denied it.

Yet, even before the talk as well as after the talk they continued on making incredibly harsh comments on gay people. Me and my boyfriend (to them known as my best friend) were in the kitchen once making soup. I took out a spoon and let him taste it if it was ok. My mom saw that and made the 'joke' "God, you two seem like your dating" and immediatly started making sounds as if she was trowing up and how much gay people despised her. Of course she didn't know what she was doing at the time, but it didn't really push me to coming out to her.

My dad's exactly the same, maybe even worse. When something about gay people comes on tv or in the newspaper, he immediatly shares his horrible oppinion about them in public. He's really a loving and friendly man, but every single time those kind of things comes up he turns into this horrible extreme-macho like a'hole who says they disgust him and he thinks they're a bad part of society.

And at the same time, my dad tells me that he wouldn't care if I was gay because he would still love me..as long as he would NEVER have to see me kissing is cuddling with some other guy. "Not in my house..." is what he said.

How can they even expect me to ever come out to them if they're behaviour is as ridiculous as this?

Being with Mike is the best thing that ever happened to me. Being with someone I've learned to trust over the past few years (I have mayor trust issues) and being able to really be myself and explore my sexuality with that person. It's an amazingly liberating feeling. I just feel it's unfair for us to live in secret. The only time we can actually be ourselves is when we're alone. We hide in our rooms every time, or just wait to see eachother untill no one's home. It's ridiculous actually, but understandable for now.

By the way,
this is Mike and me during our hods in New Zealand last year, and the second one is Mike, our best friend Tjalf and me also in Zealand. Don't pay any attention to our poses:P

and this is my favorite pic of mike, can you see why I'm so much in love with him;-)

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bobakey

Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 1:07 pm

Joined: 15 Dec 2005 Posts: 1263 Location: London, UK

Mags wrote:

I'm a lesbian, sure, but I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many other awesome things as well Wink

I'm sorry but I have to quote this again, and I think everyone will know why. THIS is the attitude that I take in my sexuality. I will openly admit that I am gay, because, funnily enough I am, and there is nothing I can do about it. Yet, That isn't WHO I am. My name is Jake, I'm 18, soon to be 19, and well... that's me. My sexuality is just something which influences my choice in partner, it doesn't alter my whole mentality to my life, or those around me.

Parents. Hmph. There seems to be the constant reminder when reading what people are saying is that the parents are an issue, even if you are straight and their views upon gay people. I'm not going to defend any parents that condem a gay person for just being who they are, however I do want to say something about parents...

1) You need to remember that nearly all our parents grew up in a different era, and the growing up around certain issues and beliefs really does influence your WHOLE life. I know that when my parents were brought up, the topic of being gay was hushed up. Yesh people knew who was, but it was never spoken about. Oh No. So before I came out that attitude was still taken, because it was a different generation. A generation that wasn't all open and proud.

2) In a hextrosexual relationship, there is a female and a male. A mother and a father, etc.. to take this ideal and then replace it with for example, male and a male... well, its a strange thought to have to process. For any hextrosexual person, sometimes, the idea of being gay is just wrong, because being straight is just so right. EXACTLY like when I think about a straight relationship, how "wrong" it feels for me, because.. I only know what its like to be gay and to have feelings for other boys/men.

3) Communities, aye, as Alan spoke about. Well... being "the only gay in the village" haha. Anyways.. when a community is so tight nit, the idea about someone being effectively "different" can be seen as abnormal, certainly not right. Mainly because you are brought up around like-minded people, the same as you..

So parents indeed.

From my own experience with my parents, for me to come out, was a shock, because it wasn't expected perhaps. It something which is new, against the grain I suppose, and it took my parents a very long time to realise that this is who I was. It wasn't about me changing who I was, because I've always been this person. This gay person. But its about my parents changing their views, and being more open minded. To accept the fact that their son is gay, and that if I was in a relationship - it would be with a guy, certainly not a girl.

Several years down the line my parents are very understanding, its the norm for them. Funny isn't it? How over time things just become the norm? For me, my sexuality is just something that I've always known. I am gay, and always will be. My parents have a gay son, and always will do. It's just about getting use to that idea.

I've said it before, and I will say it again, the older you get, the easier it is upon you, of course there are other complications, but generally it DOES get better.

Fabler: In respect to the fact that you can't be yourself with Mike unless you are locked away in a room... I seem to know that feeling well. It's odd, yet... I can only really be with my boyfriend, in our normal state behind closed doors. At his house, at my house, at our parents house. We have established an interesting relationship at the drama school we both attend, people don't mind at all, so we are again "safe" to be ourselves. Yet outside of that...?

On the streets? In my home town? I can't be holding hands with him, because it is literally dangerous. Society is evolving, and it takes time, but there will come a time when being gay and open about it in public won't be an issue, it will just be the norm.

I think I've managed to type myself out... so to leave on a lovely positive note... here is me and my boyfriend looking all sexy together haha, enjoy:

Oh and Fabler, he is looovely. <3

[If anyone wants to PM about anything that I've talked about or just for a general 'gay' chat, feel free to, I'm a nice guy Razz

]

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Fabler

Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 1:57 pm

Joined: 17 Oct 2005 Posts: 468 Location: the Netherlands

bobakey wrote:

If anyone wants to PM about anything that I've talked about or just for a general 'gay' chat, feel free to, I'm a nice guy Razz

Waiting for a reply there, bobakey:P

You know what I also hate? The cliché that every gay relationship exist out of nothing but sex. Somehow, people have managed to create the stereotype that every single gay relationship exist out of pure sexual lust and no love. I also hate the fact that every time I bring up my relationship with Mike to my friends, they immediatly turn the conversation into something sexual. As if 'we're' (by the way I think it's crazy to call ourself a different kind of people, as if we're judged by our sexual orientation) unable to love a signifficant other, but instead only crave for sexual contacts all day long.

I for one, am deeply in love with my boyfriend. Sex isn't even relevant anymore. We're at a totally different level now. Sure, this whole thing started with sex but it's so much more now. My face lights up everytime I see him, and a day without him..is JUST another day. The sex is just a cheerful bonus:P I think it's just crazy people think we're all about sex and no love. My relationship with Mike is just like every other straight relationship out there. Just wanted to state that:p

I have to be honest, I don't really feel the urge to come out to my parents anymore. I used to, it used to fester at me all day long. But now I kind of feel like; I'm happy, why should everyone know why? It's not like it's going to make me any happier. Sure, the secrets and lying towards my parents isn't exactly easy and comfortable all the time. But at least I can face them.

I know for sure, if I'd tell them about me and Mike...everything would change. They would look at me in a whole new way. Not because I'm gay, because I'm sure they'll learn to accept that. But mostly because they've asked me a few times before 'cause they noticed how close Mike and I were, and still I told them I wasn't gay.

Don't worry, I'm not planning on living my entire life in secret. But for now, the people I WANT to know..know. I've told them and theyve taken it extremely good (sexual talk aside:P). For my parents, I'm not quite ready yet. But everything in time...

ps. great pic bobakey;-)

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Princess_Zelda

Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 10:55 pm

Joined: 20 Jan 2007 Posts: 961 Location: On a highway, surrounded by speeding cars (AKA Texas)

Wowiez, you guys type alot...XD Quite some strong words though.

Once again, Zelda satultes you with the royal hyrulian sword encrested with hyrulian crystals.

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Fabler

Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 11:32 pm

Joined: 17 Oct 2005 Posts: 468 Location: the Netherlands

Princess_Zelda wrote:

Wowiez, you guys type alot...XD Quite some strong words though.

Once again, Zelda satultes you with the royal hyrulian sword encrested with hyrulian crystals.

Hehe, once I get started there's almost no stopping me hehe. By the way, going off-topic here but I just have to say. I'm in love with the Zelda games. Just finished the "Twilight Princess" one and still, amazing game! Back to reality hehe...

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Rhia-chan

Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 12:04 am

Joined: 15 Mar 2007 Posts: 153 Location: Canada, Eh?

I'm Bisexual! Me and my girlfriend are very happy =)

I've claimed to be straight for a very long time, but that was pretty much because Bisexuality/Lesbianism is out of the norm and I hadn't had a real relationship yet. I have one now with my lovely lady, and have decided that I am bisexual until I have a relationship with a man. I don't know until I try xD

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........................Poleteli :: By Rhia.....................
............So young child, I hope you'll stay;............
..................And never fret nor fly away................
....................Sit with me forever more,.................
..........................And to the world,.....................
.......................We'll close the door..................

aldaboss

Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 12:10 am

Guest

Fabler wrote:

bobakey wrote:

If anyone wants to PM about anything that I've talked about or just for a general 'gay' chat, feel free to, I'm a nice guy Razz

When your dating an older dude like me who is company director of a very busy insurance brokerage sex is def not as much as people would think. Sure we have sex...alot but there is so much more to what we have than just sex.

Princess_Zelda

Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 2:12 am

Joined: 20 Jan 2007 Posts: 961 Location: On a highway, surrounded by speeding cars (AKA Texas)

Fabler wrote:

Princess_Zelda wrote:

Wowiez, you guys type alot...XD Quite some strong words though.

Once again, Zelda satultes you with the royal hyrulian sword encrested with hyrulian crystals.

Gamecube or wii? hehe..Off topic..

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aldaboss

Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 3:11 am

Guest

Rhia-chan wrote:

Do you really have to give something a try to decide.

I mean I have never had sex with a girl and never had the desire too. I just couldnt do it. I have no attraction to them what so ever. But my attraction for men is so strong.

Rhia-chan

Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 5:31 am

Joined: 15 Mar 2007 Posts: 153 Location: Canada, Eh?

aldaboss wrote:

Rhia-chan wrote:

At my age, yes. I'm a hormone driven teenager, I can't be sure of any decision I make.
I do know right now that I am attracted to both sexes, although females more so than males. This has been a growing trend since I realized that I was, in fact, attracted to women. Again, this may still shift as I get older and a little more wiser, not to mention that at my age very few people are mature enough (Particularily the guys, they tend to grow up a little slower) to enjoy being around.
Did I mention that I'm a hormone-driven teenager? Surprised

Mags

Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 11:40 am

Joined: 07 Feb 2007 Posts: 173 Location: Toronto

I'm delighted that I was quoted not once but twice Smile

Clearly some likeminded individuals here!

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--- Dip me in honey and throw me to the tall chick with the hair and the frocks ---

Fabler

Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 4:43 pm

Joined: 17 Oct 2005 Posts: 468 Location: the Netherlands

Mags wrote:

I'm delighted that I was quoted not once but twice Smile

Clearly some likeminded individuals here!

Make that thrice:P

I just think that you're quote is something that wraps up everything we, as gay or bi people feel about this whole situation. Wrapped into ONE sentence. I just loved it. It's definatly the right attitude.

ps. Princess Zelda, I was talking about the gamecube version;-) found it a waste of money to be honest to buy an entirely new console just for one game..thats also released on the NGC:P

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Fireball

Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 8:22 pm

Joined: 30 Nov 2004 Posts: 3195 Location: somewhere in the middle

Mags wrote:

I'm a lesbian, sure, but I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many other awesome things as well Wink

I'm a straight woman, but I'm so many other awesome things as well, too. Smile

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Everybody says that time heals everything, but what of the wretched hollow? ...the endless in-between?
Are we just going to wait it out?

lovehound

Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 9:16 pm

Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 3784 Location: colorado

me and my old lady have been together since we were 18, and we both just cracked our 40's. it can be done Wink

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'this kind of thing happens all the time'

Mags

Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 11:18 pm

Joined: 07 Feb 2007 Posts: 173 Location: Toronto

Fireball wrote:

Mags wrote:

I'm a lesbian, sure, but I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many other awesome things as well Wink

I'm a straight woman, but I'm so many other awesome things as well, too. Smile

Shall we just be awesome in general then? Very Happy

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--- Dip me in honey and throw me to the tall chick with the hair and the frocks ---

Rhia-chan

Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2007 12:24 am

Joined: 15 Mar 2007 Posts: 153 Location: Canada, Eh?

Mags wrote:

Fireball wrote:

Mags wrote:

I'm a lesbian, sure, but I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many other awesome things as well Wink

I'm a straight woman, but I'm so many other awesome things as well, too. Smile

Shall we just be awesome in general then? Very Happy

Bisexuals too! Awesomeness is win Wink

Energy

Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2007 12:50 am

Joined: 01 Nov 2006 Posts: 682 Location: Lincoln /UK

It's great to see people comfortable with sexuality. I, myself am straight but many of my friends are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or even one who defines himself as a 'furry'. Some of them have to fight so hard just to get accepted, in the end you are who you are (with added awesomeness!).

love all round ^_^

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Senescence

Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2007 9:13 am

Joined: 15 Nov 2006 Posts: 917 Location: Paris - France

To the west !

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